Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
