ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
