When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
