is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
