The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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