we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
