My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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