I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
