I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
