I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
