omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
