im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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