he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
