Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
