you traded sex for a burrito?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with two different species that night
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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