I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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