I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
