is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
