Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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