I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
