K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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