i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
