how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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