in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
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