As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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