Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize