you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
