I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
