If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
