The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My dick has a subreddit
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
