Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
