Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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