The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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