Jerry, you need to find god
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
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Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
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If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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