Jerry, you need to find god
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
