I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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