i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
