im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Did I show you my penis last night?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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