My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
