i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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