I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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