he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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