girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
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As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
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I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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