You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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