I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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