I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
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You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
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There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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