i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
