Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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