we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
