If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
