he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
