we're blogging at a bar
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
