And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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