He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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