If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
