Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
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