fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
