Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
