The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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