DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
There r osticjed everywhere
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
