I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
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I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
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OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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